Hallooooo, actual blog! I am alive. However I am very poor, which is why I did not do cards or anything for the holidays. :( Also! My family has a new house, but it's a fixer-upper, so that's what I've been doing with my time lately. Updates will likely continue to be scarce, but I still love you all, flist!

Last night I dreamed that I was scheduled a shift at work and that the schedule, rather than specifying me as floor supervisor or guest service or whatever for this shift, said "Meeting Re: [something] Jars" and that when I showed up, it turned out that this meant horse training. LovelyBossWoman informed me that I needed to get these three horses accustomed to this one path we needed them to run. The horses were right outside the office, and the trail was around the back, though some hills and whatnot. This isn't the weirdest work dream I've ever had or anything, which is probably why I had a hard time realizing that it wasn't reality when I woke up. Once conscious, I was kinda worried, because I know fuckall about horses. So I rolled over, grabbed my ipod off the dresser, went to Wikipedia, and was halfway through typing "horse training" in the search before I realized that: a) we don't have any horses at the movie theater; b) if we did no one would ask me, of all people, to train them; and c) if for some reason I was asked to train them, Wikipedia probably wouldn't be sufficient enough to get me up to speed on horsey knowledge.
So I went and got my dental implant today! It was terribly exciting. They used a tiny, tiny ratchet to screw it into my jaw bone, it clicked and everything, I felt like a robot being repaired.

The Cold Commands is out at last and I have ordered a copy and I'm super excited to read it!

Did I mention I have a tumblr? Because I have a tumblr. It's mostly pictures of my nails.

Supernatural tonight! Woooooo!

Also vicodin, that stuff's great.

AAAAAAAH

Oct. 17th, 2011 11:41 am
Wincon is over, and in a minute I won't even be on the same side of the Mississippi as [livejournal.com profile] acehorner, and the people waiting for me at home are all making these rational life choices right now like they thing they're some kind of grownups or something and I feel so weirdly emotional and I caaaaaan't.
I am at le Wincon! After having visited le [livejournal.com profile] acehorner! Pics later - opening ceremonies are in 2 hours, and I have a lot of internetting to do before then!
Me: I guess she was asking him what color my nipples were, and he didn't know, so he asked me.

[livejournal.com profile] dealated: Did you say 'Black like my soul?'

Uuuuugh

Aug. 12th, 2011 07:58 pm
So I've hit that point of the summer wherein I do shit all, all day. I stay up until about 6:30 am, go to bed, sleep till noon, because for some reason my mind thinks it's shameful to sleep past noon (note - 5.5 hours is not enough sleep for meeeee), but I stay in bed until 3 pm reading comics and porn anyways, because that totally doesn't count, get up, go to work, come home @ 1 am, dick around on the computer for about 5 hours, rinse and repeat. I'm not exercising as much as I need and want to, like, not even walking. I'm dehydrated because I can't even be arsed to drink enough water. I'm all achy and sore from laying in bed all day. A lot of those comics I'm reading are things I've read before, because my brain doesn't even want any new stimulation. I do this every year before it's time to go back to school. It's like I'm trying to relax as hard as I fucking can before my schedule fills up, even though doing this doesn't make me feel very good overall.
BECAUSE I AM MAD AT MY DICKFACE OF A MANAGER.

WHAT'S THAT, LIVEJOURNAL? YOU THINK I'M NOT HANDLING MY EMOTIONS IN A HEALTHY WAY?

WELL SHUT UP.
COMIC-CON IS IN, LIKE, 10 MINUTES, AND I AM NOT READY AND I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO BEFORE THEN AND I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY AND THERE ARE LIKE 12 THINGS I WANT TO DO ON FRIDAY THAT ARE ALL HAPPENING AT 10 AM, TO SAY NOTHING OF THE 8 THINGS ALL HAPPENING AT 7ISH ON THURSDAY, AND I’VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR 11 YEARS, WHY AM I SO UNPREPARED THIS TIME AROUND?

In the name of having straight teeth, I am currently attempting to get an implant. The steps go like this:

1. Have tooth that came in both sideways and backwards pulled. Have bone graft put in its place.
2. Spend 4 -6 months healing.
3. Have implant put in.
4. Spend 4 - 6 months healing.
5. Have very minor surgery to expose implant and put healing cap on.
6. Spend 2 weeks healing.
7. Have crown placed over implant, resulting in a full set of straight teeth.

Today I went to the oral surgeon to get the implant implanted. Buuuuuuut, it didn't go to plan. They opened up my gums and drilled a hole in my upper jaw bone, only to find that the bone graft they put in did not set up as well as it might have done. So they removed the graft, replaced it, stitched me back up, and we'll try again in another four to six months. The end result is that I am very uncomfortable right now, for sake of being back at the end of step one.

But then on the other hand, this gif:


Also, the nurse/hygienist at my oral surgeon's office looks like Rashida Jones.
Soooo [livejournal.com profile] acehorner suggested I make a spreadsheet for my nail polishes. And that's kind of what I have been Doing With My Life for the last three days.
So much serious shit going on right now, and nothing I could say would ever be eloquent enough, except maybe, "Holy titballs! I wish I had more money to spend on [livejournal.com profile] help_japan." (Someone's offering a Hemlock Ring Blanket!)

But instead, look at two things that comfort me: Food and nail polish. )
It's true, really! I've had some very exciting dental work started so that I now have a big gap in my teeth and part of my upper jaw bone is all exposed and naked and sensitive to temperature. :/ But it's healing up nicely, and once it does I can get an implant. And once that heals up I can get a crown over the implant, and I will have lovely straight teeth without wearing braces for 3.5 - 4 years. The process I have chosen will take only a year.

But who cares! You know what's more interesting than that? Supernatural. I was drifting away from the active part of the fandom for a while there, just because it was so hard for me to keep up, but I'm all caught up now, and I plan to stay that way. I also rewatched the season 5 finale and it was glorious. It also put me in the mood for some angry!protective!broyay, so I rewatched Hunted, and OMG THEIR ACCENTS. Buwahahahaha the Texas was so thick and obvious compared to now! I kind of love it a lot. XD

These bags are gorgeous. Someone should buy me one.
Tonight, while I was getting gussied up for a video call with [livejournal.com profile] acehorner, the cat fell through the bathroom ceiling and onto my head. Along with a fuckton of wet drywall and insulation.
I haven't really slept in 4 days. Or so. I'll be more active later, I promise.
Dear gods, what the hell happened to my internet life? I miss this. I was hoping the twitposting would get me back on track, but... Damn. I'm gonna be better at this. I'm gonna post and comment like a real person, for serious.

Whiny tidbit of the day: I have a particular acquaintance. This person is often very judgmental about things they know nothing about, but usually I just ignore it because I don't like to make waves. Also this person hates glitter and rhinestones and sparkly things, and will judge you for wearing or liking them. This time the topic at hand was one I am very familiar with; I've both studied and experienced it, so I spoke up. This person dismissed me and continued to pass judgment on a situation they have not experienced and about which they are not educated or knowledgeable. And they didn't know any of the people involved. That put me at something of a loss, so I changed the subject. Then when I got home, I did my nails like this,* just for spite.



It is my "no, fuck YOU" manicure. As the Lady says, sequins are much more fun than bombs.

Also, this is kinda making me feel better:



Good night, lovies. :)



*Not my pic or nails, got it off fuckyeahnailart
Today is my birthday!! Woohoo!

We're not actually gonna get to celebrate until the 20th of September, but WHO CARES!? I'M 25, BITCHES! I CAN RENT CARS NOW!

Anyone inclined to buy me anything, please direct these urges towards Heifer International.
The video for "Love the Way You Lie" is pretty much everything I love in a music video: fire, sex, Dominic Monaghan, relationship violence, trashy!Megan Fox, All-American-Boy!Eminem (standing in the Amber Waves of Grain no less), and Rihanna's gorgeous little sneer.

I don't know if I've talked about it here before, but the year I was 18, I was on the receiving end of a lot of violence, from others, and eventually from myself. Now that I think about it, music videos have articulated what that was like for me more completely and accurately than any other medium. (See Bad Romance.) A collection of images more than anything else, with a plot that's kind of pantomimed, not actually that complicated at all, and a song. Kind of like how I mentioned my experience with violence at the beginning of this paragraph - it's relevant to the topic at hand, and thus worth mentioning, but attempting to elaborate wouldn't be nearly as accurate or... eloquent I guess, as just throwing it out there as a simple fact, something that happened, something that made this particular bit of media relevant to my interests.

Now that I've said that there's no way to elaborate on it, I'm going to elaborate on it. Rihanna's lines in this song are about enjoying the pain a bit, and that's something that I experienced and have always felt guilty about, and then guilty about feeling guilty. When I was being abused (ugh, I hate that word, can anyone else think of a better word? Aside from "victimized?") I was depressed. I attempted suicide multiple times that year. I felt about as worthwhile and beautiful as a piece of used, soggy toilet paper, and yet. The world seemed much more vibrant to me then than it does now. I was so much more creative when I was suffering and maladjusted. I remember having such vivid dreams, writing all the time; poetry and short stories and 15 page free-writes that were so much funnier and sadder and more eloquent than anything I write these days, when I write at all. The beauty of my mom's flowers reduced me to tears at least 4 times that I remember. This was also the year that I learned to associate sex with violence, real violence, not the play of BDSM. That's where the real guilt kicks in because the sex-violence association is a major problem, or at least it causes major problems in our society. I hate that I've become part of that problem. (And it affected my play. That year made me much more of a sub than I was, but it also made me less trustworthy as a sub.) On the other hand, I'm a hedonist and a humanist and I don't think anyone including me should feel guilty for the way they feel. Feeling guilt over kinks and knee-jerk emotional reactions makes me part of yet another problem. But anyway, Rihanna's lines. There's an admission of enjoyment there, but an accusation against the perpetrator at the same time. Everything that happened to me, I let happen to me. I am absolutely certain that I was as much a part of the problem as my abuser. (I NEED ANOTHER WORD.) But I do not believe in blaming the victim at all, not even a little bit. When confronted with this situation as it applies to others, I don't have even the slightest emotional undercurrent of victim-blame. So that's a nice paradox.

I'm gonna end here and hit post before I lose my nerve.

All better!

Jul. 3rd, 2010 11:24 pm
Flora Pecosa's birthday party was today. (Her birthday is actually the 5th, but with the holiday we usually don't celebrate the day of.) It was awesome, Plumie doesn't get to see Abby (who is two now, in case I didn't mention) very much with her work schedule, but they got to play together all day. I brought over one of the Toy Story 3 window clings from work, and Abby loved it.

Plus I got flea stuff for the cat, and gave my mom a pedicure. So it was a productive day overall. :)
Missed another day. Work is lousy with Twihards. The cat has fleas.
SOMETHING ABOUT THIS PICTURE IS JUST DESTROYING ME. )

Also I'm sick, and a coworker made me cry today. But that actually turned out kind of positive because I ended up being reminded what a good guy one of my other coworkers is.

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scarylullabiez

January 2012

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