Salt Packets and Denial
Jul. 23rd, 2006 02:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scarylullabiezMy calves and forearms are stiff, and salt packets are the bane of my existance. Had my first day at the movie theater, and I loved it. But none of that matters just now, because I'm sobbing my brains out. I refuse to accept this, players. In fact I am so not accepting this that I wrote a drabble of non-acceptance. Notice it is classified as AU. How am I supposed to go on without an abused cross-dressing waif of a thing to sex up the manliest pretty boy ever and bring out all my maternal urges?
Title: Childlike
Author: Ara of![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
scary_lullabies
Genre: AU, GODDAMMIT!
Pairing: Jensen/Boyd and Jensen/Jared
Rating: R, cuz it says teh c word omg.
Inspired by:![[info]](https://stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif)
algie, specifically epithet, raunch, and nerdlike. Also certain Hafiz poems, and books such as Are You My Mother? and The Missing Piece and The Giving Tree. And my weird, fucked-up, trapped-in-paradise, awkward/kinky side of innocence idea of what a Christian-based traditional-ish heaven is like. Basically, this is my kinky, whacked-out childhood.
Warnings: Un-beta'ed. Written after a good hour of crying. And I think some of this might qualify as non-con, but I'm not sure.
Note tomodillian: Not included in this week-long process we had planned, because it doesn't seem at all threesome-conducive.
Childlike
The angels are sweet to him. They look at him with wide glowing eyes and give him chocolate and spaghetti and passion fruit and giggle when he says he has to watch his figure. They tell him there’s no need for that here, and give him the most beautiful dress he’s ever seen. When he puts it on, he finds that he has breasts of his own to fill it out and he gasps. One of the angels puts its hand on its heart and says something in a language he doesn’t understand.
He can feel a warmth in the back of his mind and across his shoulders that he knows is his daddy and mama.
He has white fishnets and pink skirts and soft cotton gauze blouses and he can change his body; make his hair longer, his feet smaller, he can have breasts or not as he pleases. He braids his hair in elaborate coifs and paints his nails with nail polish that smells like plumeria, but he doesn’t try to transform completely into a girl. Jensen likes his cock.
And that’s the only thing that makes him cry in heaven: he keeps asking where Jensen is and the angels only ever shush him and pet his hair.
---
There’s something missing. Jensen feels like he’s in a Shel Silverstein book: everything makes perfect nonsense and in the middle of it there is a space where there shouldn’t be.
He feels it when he lies down at night, Jared’s body stiflingly hot against his. A concavity on and in his torso, a very distinct and ambiguous lack, but he can’t pin it down. What is it he’s missing so much?
Jared feeds him chocolate syrup and potato chips and even, once, deep-fried peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and Jensen stuff himself on all, but it doesn’t go away.
When they go to the mall to look for a birthday present for Phillippe, the gap yawns and intensifies and it almost makes him cave in on himself. When they pass Victoria’s Secret it does. There’s a pink teddy in the window and suddenly Jensen feels exactly the way you feel when you’ve just thrown up: a cold sweat and trembling and oh thank god relief because that’s it, that’s what you needed to start to feel better again. But then Jared grabs his arm and he’s a child in a nonsense world, with the vaguest notion of loss and without the wherewithal to understand why he feels so hollow.
Maybe the end, or maybe I'll run with this. Anything is possible.
Title: Childlike
Author: Ara of
scary_lullabiesGenre: AU, GODDAMMIT!
Pairing: Jensen/Boyd and Jensen/Jared
Rating: R, cuz it says teh c word omg.
Inspired by:
algie, specifically epithet, raunch, and nerdlike. Also certain Hafiz poems, and books such as Are You My Mother? and The Missing Piece and The Giving Tree. And my weird, fucked-up, trapped-in-paradise, awkward/kinky side of innocence idea of what a Christian-based traditional-ish heaven is like. Basically, this is my kinky, whacked-out childhood.Warnings: Un-beta'ed. Written after a good hour of crying. And I think some of this might qualify as non-con, but I'm not sure.
Note to
modillian: Not included in this week-long process we had planned, because it doesn't seem at all threesome-conducive.Childlike
The angels are sweet to him. They look at him with wide glowing eyes and give him chocolate and spaghetti and passion fruit and giggle when he says he has to watch his figure. They tell him there’s no need for that here, and give him the most beautiful dress he’s ever seen. When he puts it on, he finds that he has breasts of his own to fill it out and he gasps. One of the angels puts its hand on its heart and says something in a language he doesn’t understand.
He can feel a warmth in the back of his mind and across his shoulders that he knows is his daddy and mama.
He has white fishnets and pink skirts and soft cotton gauze blouses and he can change his body; make his hair longer, his feet smaller, he can have breasts or not as he pleases. He braids his hair in elaborate coifs and paints his nails with nail polish that smells like plumeria, but he doesn’t try to transform completely into a girl. Jensen likes his cock.
And that’s the only thing that makes him cry in heaven: he keeps asking where Jensen is and the angels only ever shush him and pet his hair.
---
There’s something missing. Jensen feels like he’s in a Shel Silverstein book: everything makes perfect nonsense and in the middle of it there is a space where there shouldn’t be.
He feels it when he lies down at night, Jared’s body stiflingly hot against his. A concavity on and in his torso, a very distinct and ambiguous lack, but he can’t pin it down. What is it he’s missing so much?
Jared feeds him chocolate syrup and potato chips and even, once, deep-fried peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and Jensen stuff himself on all, but it doesn’t go away.
When they go to the mall to look for a birthday present for Phillippe, the gap yawns and intensifies and it almost makes him cave in on himself. When they pass Victoria’s Secret it does. There’s a pink teddy in the window and suddenly Jensen feels exactly the way you feel when you’ve just thrown up: a cold sweat and trembling and oh thank god relief because that’s it, that’s what you needed to start to feel better again. But then Jared grabs his arm and he’s a child in a nonsense world, with the vaguest notion of loss and without the wherewithal to understand why he feels so hollow.
Maybe the end, or maybe I'll run with this. Anything is possible.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-23 09:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-24 12:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-23 10:04 pm (UTC)But I'll join you in your hope that this is an AU!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-24 12:26 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-23 10:05 pm (UTC)Oh, now you stop it! No making me cry! Boyd is going to be just fine and this will just be a loverly sweet angsty sad AU, and Boyd and Jensen will go back to VS and buy out the store and we will watch and cheer and be very ;laksdjf;laskdjf about them.
*crawls to corner, cries*
He'll be just fine.
Please? I love that sweet
boygirlboy. Be strong, honey. Be brave. *cries more*Ara, this is just beautiful, it really is, and the imagery is stunning--wonderful work. Thank you for sharing your grief. And love.
He WILL be just fine.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-24 12:36 am (UTC)I'm glad you like. I'm kinda blown away by everyone's responses to this, I never wrote anything that made anyone cry before. Or claim to cry anyways. This just kinda fell out of me.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-23 10:26 pm (UTC)It does have a very childlike feel about it, like a fairy tale that doesn't end in "they lived happily ever after". But still so... dreamlike. I really like that tone that you put into this. A lot.
And you've made me cry for both Boyd and Jensen and made me want to hit Jared and HATE Jared, even though I really do love the poor little woobie.
But this.... oh, this hurts to read, in a beautiful, wonderful way. Gah. Just.... gah. That's about all I can say. ^^
X
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-24 12:48 am (UTC)I know what you mean. Normally I'm all for Jared, but just because you're not getting any buttsecks is no reason to go all Mirror Queen on your friends.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-23 10:56 pm (UTC)i can barely type, this is so beautiful. i needed to read something like this, however, the throbbing in my chest is now even more intense.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-24 12:49 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-24 02:29 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-23 11:30 pm (UTC)Jensen feels like he’s in a Shel Silverstein book: <-- The fact that you mentioned Shel Silverstein in something titled 'Childlike' gets you 253 bonus points. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-24 12:51 am (UTC)Can bonus points be used to bring the dead back to life? Or perhaps create a very intense haunt that allows for sexing?
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-24 12:28 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-24 12:53 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-24 03:22 am (UTC);) I think we can twine together something just as extraordinary in the threesome, doncha think? Although food references could be good there too...
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-24 05:08 am (UTC)Food references are awesome in every possible sexual scenario!
In the slightly-less wonderful department, I'm writing a little sequel to this for, I will admit, gratuitous boy-titty-play purposes.