The Gospel According to Ara, Chapter 22, Verse 6

[scarylullabiez]

So last night I was reading this awesome spn_j2_bigbang mpreg fic, and right as Jared goes into stress-induced (and if I'm remembering correctly, premature) labor, THE INTERNET DIES AND I CAN'T CLICK TO THE NEXT CHAPTER. I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING WITH THIS SHIT. So I beseeched the God of the Interwebs to please have mercy on me, His adoring child, and make His face to shine upon me again. And He answered me, "Though I seem mysterious my child, I interfere only in thine own best interest. For verily, it is two in the morning, and thou dost have obligations to attend to very shortly." My schedule comes to me via email, so of course He knew I had to work in the morning. So I got my Marie Antoinette on and replied to Him, "LET THEM WATCH TV!" and He replied, "I know thee better than any my child, and thou wouldst go to work, but with only a moment's rest and what with thou bleeding so profusely, thou wouldst hate Me in the morning and curse My name and be cruel to your fellow man." I swore I wouldn't, I set forth offerings of cupcakes and kittens and signal boosters and posts without anything porn-related in them at all, but His will is strong, and He did not yield. "Go ye to bed, my child, and rest," He cried, "Jared will still be in labor tomorrow!" "HE WILL!?" I cried, dismayed that Jared should be suffering so long. "GO TO BED!!" The God of the Interwebs bellowed. And cowled before His wrath, I went.

Comments

[xtinethepirate.livejournal.com]

I too would be wroth with the God of the Interwebs. For verily he hath denied me the pleasures of porn at the workplace; he maketh the wireless glitch and run slow, so that I needs must concentrate on doing my job.

Even when there is naught for me to do.

For which I find thee, God, a bit of a bastard.

But I am glad to hear that he is looking out for your best interests. *hugs gently* And were you happily reunited with labour!Jared today? And was the return not the more sweet for its delay?

Btw, I love that you argue with the interwebs God. He's pretty cool not to just smite folk down for backtalk.

[scary-lullabies.livejournal.com]

Yes I was reunited! And no, it wasn't as joyous as I thought, because cute as it was, I was expecting moar pr0ns. miss_begonia's Clueless!AU (http://miss-begonia.livejournal.com/149230.html) Timestamp (http://miss-begonia.livejournal.com/172940.html) has given me this ridiculously high standard for kidfic with pr0n in, and now I'm doomed to roam the earth forever, searching in vain for its equal.

[lady-deirdre.livejournal.com]

I knew there was a good reason I don't hold with any kind of religion¹! All it does is get in the way of porn, and dancing, and marinated jumbo shrimp.

1) No one really heard that, right? Right? ... Was that the thunder?

There is nothing whatsoever wrong with you, darling. That's why they can't find anything.

[scary-lullabies.livejournal.com]

*nod, nod* Tru dat. Jumbo shrimp are a dirty, sinful, AMAZING pleasure.

Your logic is flawless!

[grimmus.livejournal.com]

I'd like to request another icon, one that reads "All hail the king of dunces"; I was listening to "Dunce" by Voltaire and thought the quote sounded pretty good.